alligators and hedgehogs

i stumbled across this website recently and thought it was funny. it's called clients from hell. it is a collection of anonymously contributed horror stories from designers. some of the requests kill me!
here are a few of my favorite:

Client: “I need you to illustrate 360 jokes for my book.”

Me: “Ok, what’s your budget?”

Client: “I don’t have much, I can pay X”

Me: “That works out to be less then minimum wage for me per illustration.”

Client:” But thats ok, you probably do this stuff for fun anyway right? Artists just sit around drawing for hours working this stuff out for kicks, I know.”

Me: “Sir, I do this for a living [click]”


In deciding on what characters to use to represent a large insurance firm in a series of interactive training materials.

Client: “I know what people like. I’m around people all day and I watch people - like a student of human behavior - so I know what people like.”

Me: “Ok. What do you have in mind?”

Client: “What people like… Alligators and Hedgehogs.”


Client: “I googled my name and there is some nasty stuff about me on the Internet. There is this guy saying in his blog that I am an idiot. I want you to remove that blog and block the Internet if they write shit about me.”

Us: “We cannot do that.”

Client: “Well, get someone else to do it then. I want every nasty stuff about me removed from the Internet today, and make sure nobody can write bad things about me. I want you to control the Internet.”

Us: “We can’t control it and neither can you.”

Client: “Right, if you won’t do it I’ll find someone who will.”

Us: “Good luck, let us know if you succeed.”


Client [A California law firm]: “For the home page we’d like a photo of San Francisco. Lots of tall buildings, and it has to include the Golden Gate bridge.”

Me: “Sure, I can do that … but your offices aren’t in San Francisco.”

Client: “No, but we want people to think we are. It creates trust.”